In a Perfect World

Mornings. This is my favorite time of day. If I get up early enough I get some coffee and some quiet, and I watch the sky turn all pinky blue. I also put the plastic away from the dishwasher last night that is hopefully dry. I get drinks ready for the maniacs. I find the crackers. I fold some laundry or start a load. I get a shower in the upstairs bathroom at 5:15 where I pray the entire time that it doesn't wake the children. I load Alida's antibiotic. I pack the car with anything from my purse alone to my purse plus ice cream money, diapers, changes of clothes and wipes. The latter this morning. I hide whatever toy was causing chaos the last evening if I remember to. If it looks rainy, I cover the sandbox and wheel the iron toys to the porch. It was rainy looking this morning. I lay out some clothes for work, but I don't put them on yet--who wants antibiotic from a fight with Alida all over her dress? I drink coffee, a lot. I may even log on and look at my e-mail.

All of that, and then this is how it is supposed to unfold. At 6:45 I load toothbrushes for the boys and greet them in their room sleepy-eyed and still waking. Actually, I generally hope that Nicholas is that way and Ben is still just asleep. Then I can get Nicholas ready and have him all to myself. Get him dressed. Help him brush his teeth. By then Ben is awake and asks for his toothbrush, and I do the Nicholas routine with Benjamin. Then they want to wake the babies. So by 7:00 we troop down the hall and wake the babies up who are laughing at the greeting of boys climbing in their cribs. We do the boy routine with the girls as the boys play with all of the toys in the girls' room. The girls will then play with their toys as I take the boys downstairs, get them some juice and put on their shoes in front of cartoons. I get the ladies and bring them down. Cartoons distracting, I get dressed hoping I have matching shoes and everything tucked in correctly. We load the car, and we're off by 7:20 or so.

This morning was not perfect.

This morning the ladies woke up at 5:50. They were chattering and singing in their cribs, so I left them there while I did an abbreviated morning run through the house to get things in order because not only do I have things to do but the cleaning guy is coming today so the house must be somewhat picked up. By 6:30, there was no denying them any longer. I ran up, gave them bottles (yes bottles because they are quiet when they are sucking on bottles), and I changed their diapers, one of which was an inch from creating a total nightmare. I don't have their clothes because they are in the boys room. I leave Elaine in her nightshirt and I leave Alida naked so I don't confuse them. They play with their toys. I load toothbrushes and head to the boys room. Nicholas is sitting on the floor smiling. But something is not right. There is something in the air. There is something all over the bed. Argh. Don't move buddy, you're a mess. I strip the bed. Ben has woken up abruptly and is now whining and crying. Nicholas is still sitting on the floor. I grab him and immediately rethink my hold because he is a disaster. To the background noise of Ben, I take Nicholas and clean him up dumping his clothes with his sheets and slamming the door shut so the girls don't come in to the mess. They start screaming outside. Ben is still in bed, now declaring that his bed is wet. Oh cripes. His diaper didn't hold. But he's not as messy as brother. Nicholas is cleaned, changed, detoxed, and now whimpering. We take a minute to relax him, and I turn to Ben, frozen in his bed except for the complaining. Complaining in here; complaining out there. I get Ben. We go through a similar routine. Lysol is brought out. Another bed is stripped. The Spot Shot is put to use on the floor. Sheets and clothes are dumped in a laundry basket. Boys are clean and dressed. Their beds stripped and pajamas ready for the laundry. The girls are still screaming. Now Nicholas is screaming that he wants to do it himself. But I have no clue what he wants to do. The boys are abandoned in their misery because I have miserable girls I have to deal with now. The girls scream through a dressing. And then they stand at the top of the stairs and scream while I take the boys down. Nicholas is now in full melt-down over doing something by himself. Ben has stolen a girls blanket and is using it as a comfort item. I get the girls. Alida has had a diaper blow out. Really the stomach viruses are crazy, mixed with antibiotic it boggles the mind. I change her and her clothes again. The girls are brought down. Everyone is screaming. The boys kick through putting their shoes on. I go back and gather the laundry, the bottles and cups, the dirty diapers. I throw toys in the boxes because they have been strung about in a fit by someone. All this because the cleaning guy is coming today.

I stop and breathe. They are all still screaming, but they're doing it down there, and I am up here. No. Wait. Nicholas is at the top of the stairs screaming. Crap. I left the gate open. The girls are starting to mount the stairs. Nicholas throws an all out tantrum when I grab him and take him back down because he still wants to do it himself. I go back and grab all of this crap. I wade through the screaming children and throw dishes in the sink, dirty diapers in the trash, laundry in the washing machine. I escape to my room with four children beating the door while I throw on some clothes. I turn and grab the nearest one and get her in the car. I get the next one and get her in the car. I get Ben and put him in the car. I find Nicholas who has fled. I grab him and drag him to the car, kicking and screaming. Everyone gets about 10 crackers in the car to distract them. And we're off by 7:30 looking every bit a mess.

Excuse me now, I must go to sleep at my desk.