Dinnertime At The Stubers

Where to begin?
I would like to say something witty here about the kids being so hungry for their mother's food that they start eating the toddler paints while they are waiting. But, it's really not the case, he just does that.
We do attempt to remember to wash our hands.Everyone says a prayer that involves being thankful that she didn't feed us that.
We just sit with the milk jug now because we got tired of getting up to get it out of the fridge to fill one cup, put it back, have another child start screaming "mow, mow" (toddler for more), and then say, "what do you say?" The child responds, "Peas," although we know he doesn't want peas, that means please. However, if we're having peas it might mean that he wants more peas please because, well they eat green tomatoes and for some reason love vegetables, but "peas" mostly means "please."
Meanwhile, mom gets up to grab a baby that is crying even though she was just fed/burped/changed by dad. Dad bends over to wipe up some junk from the floor that someone just threw down and the first time-out is threatened. As he picks up his fork to eat, a child starts asking for mow, but we don't know what. So we do the little "mow what?" dance. Then the other baby starts crying because she just figured out she is alone, and she didn't finish her bottle earlier so she's decided she's hungry now. Dad gets her and starts her bottle for the second attempt. Mom gets mow. Everyone sits down. The other toddler just decided to test the boundaries and throw some more junk on the floor. Dad threatens time out another time because he really just wants to eat a couple bites of food before getting up yet again. The other toddler decides he is finished and shoves his plate away and begins screaming for the get-down ritual. Dad gets up to clean him off and let him down. Mom puts the first baby down and grabs the second baby from dad. While feeding baby two, she shoves in two bites with her free left hand dropping junk all over the baby, which makes the baby laugh and stop eating her food again. (She feels a little guilty that she got two half-bites of food and her husband has only gotten one half-bite so far.) (She is doubly worried about the pervasive use of the word 'got' in her vocabulary these days.) The toddler that was screaming to get down is now eating his food for the first time during all of dinner. Everyone sits down. The first baby starts to protest in the other room. It is concluded that she must miss her sister, so baby two is taken to the other room for some face time with her. The toddler throwing all of his food on the floor has now decided that his napkin should go into the milk glass so that he can soak up all of the milk and suck on the napkin. "That's it. You're finished," comes out of mom and dad's mouths simultaneously, his food is taken away, and he is freed. The girls begin to get aggravated with each other because one is poking the other in the face, so they are separated. Toddler one has walked over to toddler two's chair and is now eating out of toddler two's hand. Except toddler two has now decided not to share any more, so he is holding food out to his brother and snatching it back at the last minute, much to his own delight. An aggravated toddler starts tugging at his father who has managed an amazing three bites. Mom has given up and started clearing dishes. Eat your pie. It's yummy.Are you crazy? I don't want that.