Benjamin's Cool

 

Conversations with Benjamin:

"Patric.  Can I call you Patric?  I feel like we've known each other long enough."

 

Patric: "No." 

 

Then an outburst of laughter from everyone.

Conversations

I pick up  the kids from camp the other day for their physicals, and there is immediate worry over drawing blood, which we'd already worried over to no end the night before.

Boys show up to the car first, together:

Me: Hey, my boss (a hematologist) wants some of your blood if they take some from you today.  Would you give him some extra?

Nick: if they numb me, so I don’t feel it.

Ben: Tell your boss he can have my blood, but only when I’m 11. I’m 9 now, so in two years.  It’ll be the same blood.

Nick: Wait, what does he want our blood for?

Me: He’s going to take it to his lab and look at it and use it to develop some tests.

Nick: Oh, cool.  Like they could use my blood to find cures for diseases. Sure, he can have some, but only a quart.  I think I have like a gallon of that stuff; he can have a quart.  Ben, you should give him some.

Ben: I will, when I’m 11.

Nick: What if they could find a cure for diseases?  Like that disease that makes your arms fall off?

Ben: What?  My arms will fall off in my sleep, so it won’t hurt.  I’m good. He can have it when I’m 11.

Nick: Well, he can have a quart of mine. But only a quart

Girls arrive, one at a time.

Alida: No Way.

Elaine: Sure, just leave me enough so I can keep living.

Alida (competitive): Oh, you can have all of mine.  I don’t need to live.

Conversations with the Ladies

"Mom?  Why don't you ever wear a bikini?"

I haven't stopped laughing long enough to actually answer that question more than just to tell them how much I love them.

When I Grow Up

Conversations with Alida while I scrubbed the little hair of the fourth child that evening, after dinner and wrangling of homework, fighting them to come back inside and stay there, refereeing a game on the Wii, asking why are all of the toy horses stacked in a pile in the hallway, and then follow-on asking when we got so many toy horses?  And why can't you all pile up your shoes so effectively instead of leaving a pair in the backyard (socks thoughtfully tucked inside) and a pair in the park across the street and boys' randomly flung wherever they came off of their feet on multiple levels of the house.  And then asking, "What is this?  This is gross,"  to whatever was stuck to the bottom of my foot.

"Mommy, when I grow up, I'm only going to have one baby."

"Well Alida, we all have our plans for our lives."

Good Grief

"Patric, it's May already, huh?"

"Um, May is almost over Susan."

Geez.

Aging Gracefully

Co-worker: "Oh, I see you got some highlights.  They look nice!"

Me: "Um, no.  Those are my grey hairs."

Conversations with Alida

Elaine: "Mommy?  Did God make everything?"

Me:  "Yes, God made everything."

Alida: "Yeah, Elaine!  He even made the bumps in the road that make us go ahahahahah when we go over them.  That's so fun.  We couldn't do that if God didn't make them."

Conversations With Alida

Grandpa: "Alida, I'd really like you to show me your backyard."

Alida: "Yeah!  We have two!  One out there (pointing to the backyard), and one out there (pointing to the front door)!

Benjamin

"You make your dad SO happy when you talk to him on the phone, Benjamin."

"I like talking to daddy too. He fixes my heart."

Conversations

Alida: "Mommy, can I be Wonder Woman for Easter?"

Me: "You are Wonder Woman, girl."

Alida: "No I'm not mommy; I'm Alida."

When I Get Bigger

Nicholas: "Mommy, when I get bigger, will you teach me how to tell them apart?"

Zombies

Ever since the failure to pre-screen an episode of The Batman where zombies took over Gotham, the kids have asked to watch it every.single.night.

When I was putting Alida to bed after the first viewing, she looked up at me and said, "Mommy. When I'm a skull, I'm going to be a HAPPY skull!" Oh, well. Okay. Sweet dreams.

The same night, Patric spent quite a bit of time laying out his plan for the boys to protect them from the zombies, even though we all agreed they weren't real.

Two nights ago at dinner, we all pondered whether zombies could swim or not.

At least they don't act like them all the time.

And it's nice to see that Elaine's home-made haircut is beginning to grow out.

Theology: Can you blame Him?

While discussing the downed tree a few houses up from ours that got zapped during a recent thunderstorm and then lightening vs. pirate ship; lightening vs. shark; lightening vs. car:

Ben: "...then we'd go to heaven." (because most all Ben interpretations of the world wind up with us in heaven)

Nicholas: "Yeah, Jesus wouldn't make us again 'cause he's tired of makin' all this stuff." (opening wide of arms to indicate all this stuff)

Conversations With Nicholas

To his brother: "Neener, neener, boo, boo. Stick your head...in the TOILET!"

(Do I correct that?)

From their mother: "Cross my heart; hope to die; stick a needle in my eye."

From Nicholas: "Oh mommy, when we went to the doctor, they put a needle in me."

Me: "Yes they did."

Nicholas: "Mooooom, I don't want needles in me. Can you take them out?"

Me: "Nicholas, what do you want to drink."

Nicholas: "You'll never know."

Stop Touching Me

"Mommy, why are your legs so prickly?"

"Because I clearly need to shave them."

"Ouch! They hurt!"

"Stop touching me."

Bedtime Conversation

"Mommy, what are we doing on Saturday?"

"Um, I don't know," I said a bit gleefully.

All Before We Left The House

Wednesday morning Nicholas brings everyone around the hibiscus plant in the yard to mourn the loss of last year's branches, which my dad had cut back while he was here last weekend. As the three stood around with their heads bowed to the stubble at the ground (one girl took no interest in the lamenting), I explained that it would grow back in the spring.

At the mention of spring, Nicholas' eyes light up, and he gives up and walks toward the car ready to get in now. "Will we go to Aunt Lori's in the Spring mom?"

And then we begin the review of last year's Spring visit to Texas. And we all agree that was fun and we should do it again. And I mention, "And you know what? Aunt Lori is going to have a baby! So we have to go visit."

As I'm finally buckling everyone in to their seats, this: "Mommy, where do babies come from?" Just like that. Just those words. And just then, a baby girl started fussing for her gloves, and I was conveniently distracted from hearing the question and mumbled that Brian and Lori love each other very much.

There you go. The cycle of life in reverse all while loading the car.

Conversations

Expressing Love:

"I love you Alida."

"I love you too mommy. Understand?"

Pleading:

"Elaine. Please leave your jammies on tonight; you're going to get cold if you keep going to bed naked."

"(smiles)"

Why don't you understand me?

To the children:
"Do you know how much more work you make for me when you help me?"


Encouraging Words:
"You'll get through it Susan. You're not the first." period, end of sentence, end of the subject, from my oldest brother. I don't know why, and I'm sure it has as much to do with it coming from my big brother as anything else, but it resonates with me and tells me to shut up a little bit. He's right. Let's move on.



Correction:
"I'm mean to you mommy."
"No son. You are mad at me, not mean to me."